yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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