you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
