Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
