Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
