Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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