The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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