how can u be prego again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
