Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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