I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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