my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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