I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
