If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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