yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
