I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
