My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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