were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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