Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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