it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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