before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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