it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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