At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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