I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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