Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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