You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
