after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
