do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
