okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
