i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
