I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
