I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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