Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
