Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
