tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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