You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
