the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
