I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
