There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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