Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
