so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
