I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
