Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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