I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
