Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
