i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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