girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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