i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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