I think im going to throw up on grandma
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
