She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
