My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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