Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
