I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
